Not bad.
I really really like this. It has A LOT of potential as a song just on it's own. It would make a great song for a dramatic scene where there isn't any audio, or just a vivid memory or a vision of the past present future, etc. So, like I said: not bad. Not bad at all.
I would pick this up for you and mess around with it... but I'm not really fond of working with anyone else's work other than my own. Hope you understand. Keep it up, I know you'll find a way to make this work out great.